In my family, we love control. We love knowing who is in charge of what; we love driving and controlling where we go, how fast we go, what we listen to, and how safely we get there. But as our Iives got more and more out of control, we grasped at the straws of what we could control.
When my mom died when I was 13, I felt like my life was out of control. My dad couldn’t save her, I couldn’t save her, and I couldn’t perceive how we would function without her. She was our rock, our lighthouse in the night. So when she died, our family became the captain-less ship lost at sea.
One of the hardest realities I had to come to terms with when my mom died, was that God was in control the entire time. He was in control when my mom got sick, He was in control when the doctors couldn’t figure out what was wrong with her, and He was in control when she died, leaving two teenagers and a 7 year old behind with their father.
It took years for me to realize that God wasn’t punishing me – that He never lost control of my mom’s life; that He had bigger plans for myself and my family; that it was just her time to join the rest of those we had lost in Heaven.
It is in our human nature to want to be in control. It is also in our nature to push God away when we lose control in order to regain control. It is that nature that leads us wrong – God is always in control. Philippians 4:6-7 reminds us “do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
I still struggle to this day to let go and give it to God. But as years have passed, I have found that without God, I wouldn’t be where I am today. Despite feeling like a lost ship in the black night, I’ve learned that God was in control – He was leading me down the path I am on today. He was leading me to this moment, where I share my experiences with others, in the hope that it helps guide someone closer to Him.
Jeremiah 29:11 says “for I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.”
God is in control – and above all else, He is planning a future for you brighter than the sun.
