Confession: I Struggle With Perfection
If you asked me if I want to be perfect, I’d be like, “No way! I’m fearfully and wonderfully made. My imperfections are what make me uniquely beautiful!” And then I’d probably start singing some girl power anthem…
However, when I take a good look at my life it’s extremely easy to conclude otherwise.
I’m not necessarily the woman who has to have my makeup done and hair perfect, but I am the woman who hates to make mistakes. I am the woman who doesn’t want people to think I lack anything. I am the woman who wants to be looked at and admired for my strength, beauty, sense of humor, quick wit, enjoyment of life, knowledge, confidence, gratitude, hot bod, ability to do it all…um, basically I want to be perfectly perfect, all things for all people. Trying to achieve all this leaves me aiming at a target I can’t hit.
Thing is, I don’t try to be funny just so people think I’m funny. I make the jokes I make and laugh the way I do because I actually am enjoying the moment. I don’t walk confidently because I want people to see me walk confidently. I’m not even thinking about walking confidently; I’m thinking about getting from point A to point B. I don’t try to get a hot bod so all the guys think I’m a babe. I work out because I want to be strong.
What’s the problem then?
The problem is that while my motives may be pure, what happens when I fail…isn’t. I think about how I feel when I don’t achieve or am not just one of these things on my list. It’s not pretty because—real talk here—I don’t want to hit nine out of ten on the list. I want to hit ten and I want to hit ten every single time.
Which is impossible. Because I’m human. A person with limited energy, who can only be in one place at a time, who has 24 hours in the day. I can’t do it all, be it all or see it all.
Which means I’m going to have to go ahead and set my sights a little lower. I’m going to have to get a little more realistic and instead of pursuing what I’ll never reach, I’m admitting (although with a little resentment) I am not perfect and I don’t need to be.
I’m shifting my focus to what’s most true, and hopefully, even encourage others to do the same.
What’s most true?
Christ already paid for everything I’ve got, so I don’t have to earn it. Christ declares my value as His cherished daughter, so I don’t have to work harder to matter. Christ has covered me with His perfection, so I don’t have to work to be worthy. Christ has good plans for me, so I don’t have to earn His promises.
I am a woman who makes mistakes. Some days, I lack patience and kindness and good hair and many other things. I am a woman who is not always strong, funny, happy, smart, confident or thankful. I am not all things for all people and I never will be.
Maybe one day I’ll be completely, perfectly, okay with that.