A Quest to End Comparison Games
By David Clark
Let me start by saying I’m a guy.
I know this is a community for girls, but hang with me here for just a minute… I think you, as women are awesome, capable, kind, loving people. You can do absolutely anything you set your mind to, and then some. I truly believe that! But here’s something I see you do a lot: Compete with each other. Now I recognize not all of you do it. And it’s not necessarily something that’s specific to girls, either. Guys can get sucked into that with the best of them! But I feel like this is so prevalent among women today. It’s seems so commonplace to see girls tearing one another down and playing these dangerous comparison games. I wonder, what would the world — what would YOUR world — look like if you tried to stop that in its tracks? Have you ever considered approaching this competitiveness, this comparison trap, with fresh eyes? Let me help you think it through…
Build a strong foundation.
A house doesn’t withstand much weathering without a solid foundation. The same is true with your life. You can’t possibly be expected to deal with conflict, insecurity, or negativity without being deeply rooted. For some of you, this is cultivating your faith in Jesus, and growing that relationship. Other aspects of a strong foundation might include familial support, counseling, and even exercise. A foundation is built of things that make you who you are. So work to create a sturdy base for your life — Whatever that looks like for you. Figure out what is going to anchor you when the storms hit. That’s your foundation. And it needs to be worked on continuously.
Surround yourself with good people.
It’s so easy to acquire the most friends, but what if you focused on having the best friends? These are people who are truly in your corner, no matter what season of life. They push you to be better, and they also come alongside you when life sucks. I’m not suggesting you search for perfect people. Those don’t exist. I’m talking about good, quality individuals who have earned the right to know you and speak into your story. Be intentional about creating that inner circle of friends. Stand by them. Love them wholeheartedly.
Be a part of something that matters.
Comparison and internal mind games can be all consuming. Every once in awhile, it’s helpful to remind yourself that life is bigger than just you. Figure out what really matters to you and invest in that. Whether that’s a non-profit, a church group, or perhaps one-on-one mentoring with someone younger than you… Start seeking out opportunities to actively nurture and care for something important. It will take some of the focus off of you and will help contribute to a cause that’s bigger than your circumstances.
Remember what’s most important.
You are amazing. Truly. When I look at you, I am in awe of your capability. I don’t see the imperfections that you do. I see someone who has potential beyond their wildest imagination. It makes me sad to see you so focused on comparing yourself to other girls. Because truthfully, if you stood together rather than so far apart, you could accomplish so much more. You could be so much greater. And what’s most important is that you are uniquely made and uniquely loved. The way you are. This has nothing to do with any other girls. It has everything to do with you.
The next time you’re tempted to negatively compete with another girl — whether publicly or privately in your own mind — consider what your world would look like if you chose not to engage.
Wouldn’t life be so much sweeter?
Author: Emily B. Cummins
Emily Cummins is a University of Florida & College of Central Florida grad who is passionate about partnering with people to become who they were made to be. Emily is the Online Campus Pastor at Church of Hope in Ocala, Florida. She’s passionate about storytelling, good cups of coffee, and jamming to country music. And most importantly, she’s passionately pursuing becoming the woman God made her to be.