Confession: I Struggle With Purity

 In Amy Poole, Unmasked

For as long as I can remember I have gotten up every morning, gone through my morning routine, left my house, and put on my perfect metaphorical “Amy” mask. I go to work, interact with others, spend time with friends or family, come home and then repeat the routine the next day.

This mask tells the world that I don’t have any deep struggles or insecurities.

This mask tells the world that I have it all together—that I am a successful 24 year old who occasionally makes mistakes, but for the most part I’ve got life down.

In fact, the more that people have been reading becomingme.tv, the more that people have been sharing with me how inspiring my life is and how I just get “it”. I don’t know what “it” is, but I don’t think I’m even close to getting “it”. I just think I know how to put on a good show.

You see I have this problem, this struggle, insecurity, thorn in the flesh. It’s been with me through every season of life, every new location, job change, and relationship. It’s something that follows me no matter where I go.

I struggle with purity.

This is not a blog about sexual purity or where I share sins that I committed or that were committed against me. If you would like to read one of those, just search “Purity Blog” in Google—the first five pages will come up with Christian blog hits that will keep you reading for hours.

What I am talking about runs much deeper, is more common, and is never talked about because of how unpopular the topic is.

What I am talking about is something that we all struggle with.

It starts young.

Maybe you started sneaking around to watch MTV when you were a pre-teen, or listening to music that says some words that should not be included in musical form.

Maybe one episode of that one TV show which isn’t the most appropriate turned into 5 episodes, and before you know it you were on season 6.

Maybe you started drinking to socialize and what turned into one mistake became a weekly habit.

I don’t know your specifics, but I’ve been there.

I’ve been on season 6 of a show that was filling my mind with more crap than anything, singing along to songs with words and/or phrases that should never escape my mouth, and I’ve had a season where my social behavior didn’t portray anything different than a lifestyle of a non-Christian.

In these seasons, I made mistakes that were obvious, repeated behavior that I didn’t want to, and got hurt by the actions of others that could be seen coming a mile away. But at the time these things were not so obvious to me.

These things were not so obvious, because in these seasons I couldn’t see God.

Matthew 5:8 Says: “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.”

For years I have glanced over this verse, taking it only to mean that the pure in heart are those that have accepted the gift of grace and forgiveness of Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross; therefore, we are blessed because we will see God in heaven. Done. Next verse please!

This verse promises something more than changing your eternity; it promises a truth that will change your now.

What if I told you there was a way that you could see God’s will for your life? What if I told you there was something that would help you hear His voice more clearly? What if I told you there was a way to see those mistakes coming from a mile away? What if I told you that there was a way to see who was about to hurt you?

Blessed are the pure in heart.

Not just the sexually, relationally, financially, or morally pure. Blessed are the pure in heart.

Blessed are those who do their best to keep their mind pure by listening to music that doesn’t include derogatory slurs or words that even a sailor would cringe at.

Blessed are those who stop watching a show because they know that the actions of the characters are not glorifying to God.

Blessed are those who choose their social life wisely.

Now, before I get too unpopular, let me clarify: I am not saying to only watch cheesy Christian movies, read only Christian books, exclusively spend time with your small group friends, or listen to only worship music.

What I am saying is to be wise with what you allow around yourself. To acknowledge that what you read, watch, listen, and spend your time with will begin to change you eventually—even if you are the most “spiritual” person.

So let’s take off our masks starting today. Let’s take a step forward together in choosing to see God more clearly because it will help us avoid unnecessary pain and mistakes. Together, let’s move forward in making wise choices, because we truly believe that when we live pure in heart, we live happier. Today, let’s choose to take a step towards seeing God more clearly because it will help us become who God made each of us to be.

Author: Amy Poole

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