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that girl i tried so hard to be

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That girl I tried so hard to be

and chased after repeatedly,

was really always inside of me,

begging to be let out.

That girl I tried so hard to be

lay hidden beneath the mask of insecurity.

Look at that, admire her,

gnawing feelings of imperfection and unsatisfaction

screaming, shoving…please, make it stop.

Perfection clawed her way out,

pushing authenticity out the door

and hushing the deepest depths of my heart.

“Become, become,” I said.

“Become that girl I want to be.”

“LET ME OUT,” she screamed.

Too deafened by the lies of my plastic counterparts

I tuned her out,

missing the joy and freedom that could have been mine.

What if, what if I would just shove Perfection’s unruly head down?

What if, what if I killed those gnawing feelings, aching inside of me?

My what ifs became reality,

that moment I chose the path of becoming.

No easy feat, no easy task,

killing off that which in my past had held me so fast.

Once, ensnared by thick cords of supposed-truths,

that girl inside of me is finally free.

Free to dance.

Free to sing.

Free to live.

Free to trust.

That girl I tried so hard to be,

well it turns out she’s always been me.

That moment I chose to trust the One who made this paper heart dream,

is the moment I finally became free

and broke free from those masks of perfection and insecurity.

It’s time to live,

as me.

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